I’m working on putting myself first. Truth be told, it’s not always the easiest thing to do.

There are all kinds of words for this; self-care, self-support, treat yourself. And they all sound so lovely. But then why are they so hard to do? Why is it so difficult to look at yourself in the mirror and say I love you, you are amazing, and don’t you ever change.

I think it’s because the path to taking care of yourself is filled with landmines; people everywhere continually asking, asking and asking of us. At each step of our journey to loving ourselves more, someone is saying “I just need this little favor” or “oh my god, you can’t miss this party.” And it’s not that we don’t want to help those loved ones out, it’s not that we don’t want to go to that party. It’s that giving to others requires energy. Life is a constant cycle of give and take. And when you let someone drain your well, then you have left nothing to give.

It’s the hardest truth to stomach, but if you want to be selfless- first you have to learn how to be selfish.

I recently underwent a 21-day “love yourself retreat.” It was a game changer.

The first thing I learned was how to notice the ways I was treating myself. We check in with so many things in our lives; our health, our finances, our calories- when do we ever check in our self-care?

We then set small, tangible goals to help us take baby steps towards that ultimate goal of taking better care of ourselves. You can’t go too fast out of the gate; you will only fall on your face. But there are so many small ways that we can gradually increase as we head on our journey.

Think to yourself now, what is the smallest, easiest treat I can give myself today? For me, it’s a manicure/pedicure. It doesn’t have to be some huge ordeal. It just has to be enough to get the ball rolling on your lifelong mission of learning how to love yourself deeper and truer.

But the most valuable lesson I learned was this; you will not love yourself without a reason to do. Studies show that when we attach a reason or a want to a habit, the chance of sticking to that habit increases exponentially.

Why do you want to love yourself better? Is it for a better quality of life? To help you achieve your goals with more positivity.

For me, it was to gain the ability to give to others more fully.

Last November I took a trip to Paris for my wedding anniversary. Flights are fun, but they are also nerve-wracking.  But the most incredible thing about flying is that when trouble occurs, passengers immediately form a bond and become a team.

But as we listened to the pre-flight instructions, I was struck by one specific part of the message. “In case of an emergency, secure your own oxygen mask first before helping others.”

Sure, in an emergency- the passenger cabin becomes a unit, all hands working together to solve what unfortunately is probably a pretty high stakes problem. But to do this effectively, each member of the team has to take care of herself first. What help would I be to my fellow man if I was stumbling around the cabin, gasping for oxygen? In effect, I would only become a burden to my teammates. They would now have to take care of me when all I wanted to do was to save the day.

So as we launch into this blog, I want to give you the permission to put your oxygen mask on first. It’s ok! Do it!

It may feel a little selfish at first, it may feel disorienting. But I promise you, doing so is going to start you on a journey where inevitably you will be able to give yourself so much deeper and so much truer than you could have ever imagined.

Next week we will go a little deeper into the things that hold us back from self-care. So make sure to head on back and hang out with me a little more on my blog.

Remember- love yourself, and you will be able to love the world.

–Trés